Crossroads September 22nd, 2009
Well I’ve spent the past 2 years walking down a very long and boring road and I can now see my crossroads up ahead! they are just 11 days away!
Im not sure how I feel about it all really! Im starting to get a little bit scared. I have all this freedom up ahead of me and no instructions to go with it. Im just hoping that this is the right crossroads for me to go down! I know im not happy with life as it is but what if its the best im ever going to get? what if by changing the road im currently walking down I end up walking down one with a whole load of problems instead? I don’t think I have ever felt this confused and felt all these emotions at the same time before. When anything big has happened in my life before like getting married I have never questioned it. I have just gone with what feels right but Im really struggling with this one. I think its because its what it symbolizes. To everyone else they just see it as “Steph is going away for an extended holiday for 4 months” but for me its so much more.
For me this is an end to my life as I know it, Im finally stepping away from a job that I have spent 8 years in feeling trapped. This next bit sounds odd but Im also stepping away from my family and some of the negativity that comes from them sometimes, Im Leaving myself as I am now behind in search of the “True” me. I think im scared about coming back home after the 4 months are up and not being accepted for who I am. I have been shaped into the person I am right now by everyone around me and Im worried they wont like who I really am whoever that may turn out to be.